I took a half hour in bed this afternoon. I thought I was going to nap, but I ended up reflecting.
Before our accidents, I was a very fit woman. I ran and biked mostly, but I also loved swimming. I may have had other issues, but my health was important to me… staying in shape.
Our accidents truly turned my world upside down. The first accident I was in constant pain, and yet I persevered…then the second accident hit and threw me way backwards from where I had worked so hard in physio to get better. Then bang the third and then the final straw was the fourth. All compounding into one huge mess. I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression and bipolar. I spiraled into an emotional abyss. I gained huge weight and totally lost who I was.
Marty stuck by me through it all. I don’t know how he did it. I was beyond a mess. I slipped deep inside my mind where no one could reach me. I ended up in hospital for my own safety. This is where they started finding medications to help level me out because I was angry with everyone and the world. This brought back nasty trauma from my past, and it all came at me all at once. Yet Marty stayed by my side through it all.
I couldn’t work or leave the house for fear of everything. I continued to gain weight. I pushed everyone away.
Fast forward to infertility issues. We struggled for 8 years, going through many tests and traveling to TORONTO finally for help at a Fertility Clinic. This was taxing on both of us.
Onward to today, I still struggle because every time I push myself forward, something happens…yet I realized today, somehow I survived…I made it through and I didn’t give up. I may pivot and go in different directions but I don’t quit. My past may have been traumatic, but it does not define who I am. It proves to me that I can be successful, especially when I have supportive people by my side. I have had many angels in my life and they have helped me through the darkest times.
Emotional, Sexual and Physical Abuse as a child and young adult does not define me. I am stronger than I think and believe.
I guess where I’m going is, I see now I have the power deep inside me to do this. With your help, guidance and support I will be successful. It may look different in the future, but right now I will focus on the now, one step at a time.
Thank you for being in my corner with Me, Marty and my Dad. 💕
I will no longer hold onto what an old friend said to me. We were at a Funeral and in line to say our goodbyes…he proceeds to say to me “Boy you sure have Porked Up!” Boom! It has stuck with me ever since. But I will no longer be bound and tied down from this!! I am learning to become Innerstrong from the inside out!! I need this in my life! I will no longer listen to his words with hurt, but now I will use it as fuel to be successful!!!
